imstartingtodislikeher. OMG!

I don't know why this question has been bothering me so much recently -

"What's the meaning of life & living?"

I used to think that is "Live, laugh, crap, have boyf, family, marriadge & Nothing else matters" but then I asked myself this time..

How can I truly live my life to the fullest?

Im being easy-going and social to people not to never worry about tomorrow (the way I live now) really grant me happiness?

1. Friends problem.
2. My attitude.
3. My mindset now.
4. mostly mayb classmates now.

Im freaking tired & dunno wad to do. Today is a brand new day for me in sch, but morning mood change due to some people, im trying to be kind & i know that this few days have been looking for jobs never comes to sch. I look for jobs due to some problems. But dunno whether they know my situations anot. Im just tired. Today in sch, totally they ignore me & treat me lyk transparent. Im thinking whether did i do anything wrong pass few days? Isit bcos i never contribute things or wad. Anyway, Brand new days is totally SUCK TO CORE! I really dunno wad to say.

I just don't feel a sense of good today. Why must the person do this to me? & dun understand me? Or mayb am i paranoid?!

It's frustrating - How come everything about me is just a little bit here and there?

And now, the bigger question..

Is it too soon for a going full 18 year old to wonder what's her purpose in life?

What is going to fill up all this emptiness inside and keep the fire burning?

Bored of school, bored of work.. sounds familiar to you? Sometimes guilty of not appreciating the blessings she has in life....I think the biggest sin I could ever commit is not making the absolute best out of what I am and what I have.

I don't know... just anything to make me feel like I've been leading my life to the fullest and making as big a difference to the world as I can.I don't want to die being one of those randoms nobody actually gives a shit about because you've never really done anything nor accomplished anything worth remembering.

I feel like I'm meant for bigger, better things. I know one day I'll figure it all out....

For a change, I'm starting to dislike the feeling of not caring about what's going to happen tomorrow.Because I don't want tomorrow to be something I'd regret the day after.

Some people spend their entire lifetime just trying to figure out what the meaning of life is. Some even die not knowing.

I don't want to be one of those people.

Anewfriendfound ; Vainpok! ^^

Now the time is 0330am, found a new friend Vainpok!


I think the hardest part about being me is making it look so easy.


I've always thought of myself as an expressive person, right until this moment.

Because I have a thousand thoughts in my head and feelings in my heart that I can't seem to put into words...

For the longest time I've felt suppressed, trapped, helpless! I was screaming & wanting to cry out loud but nobody could hear me.

Loud screaming turned into silent cries.

And by silent I really do mean silent, because from then on I never bothered burdening anyone else with my worries and troubles. Everything unpleasant I felt or thought, I kept to myself as much as possible. Not unless I was at my breaking point and desperately needed a shoulder to lean on.

I thought there really was no point sharing since nobody would understand me & I wanna rant as much as i want, who the idiot would want to listen to me rant & complain & willing to listen to a cry baby talking? Now I've finally found someone who is ready to listen to me anytime I have something to say... someone who possibly understands, Vainpok thanks alot!

I'm new to this feeling but it's something I could get used to.

I find myself trying really hard to break down the wall I've built to guard myself against others.

I want to be able to trust someone whole-heartedly again. Giving all I've got and trusting that this person won't throw it all away.

To love like you've never been hurt before. They just make the most out of what they have.

End of saddy post, shall resume happy posts soon. (mayb?)

I'm still a happy person, definitely, but happy people have their troubles too.

To Vainpok,

Thanks for sacrificing your precious 10hrs of sleep willing to spent 3hrs talking on the fone(: I love your treats practice more 9/10popcorn. Happy right? must be down there feeling more confident! Haha, && dun forget my horror movie & etcetc.. Thanks, pray god that you wont late for lesson today! Thanks for the night ^^

longlongpost

Hello peepes, must be wondering where i puff too right? -peace-

before i start, i wanna shout out loud something! this may concern to you as you may also sharing the same x-perience of this bloodything -RAWR-

[BLOGGER IS FUCKING PISSED OFF!]

When will it be done? i wanna postpostpost!! ):

I "miss" my boyfriend soo much.("idk"?) I haven't seen him for 2mths plus, we been ups & down since we started. many problems are pilling up but im avoiding it. i know im a bitch who keep running away from problems. YEA; Bitch is me! Babyboy told me that he failed his BMT but wad motivates him to carry running? IS ME & HIS LOVE So Called "daughter"! Family problems are pilling up including babyboy.

Isit having a boyf really need to consider alot of things? Why cant be sweet & short!

No Boyf = bored shitless

Hv Boyf = worrisome

and I have another month or so of torture to endure before I see my baby again; dunno whether is a bad omen for me? Will i have more trouble or manymore..

1st started out, A day of not being together with him feels the empty-ness. =P He makes me feel like im being loved by him, and I love you babyboy so much. but now; times are different after long, bitchy tails are showing out start to have ups & downs, small argurment, starts to paranoid & even feel like giving up; but cant bear too! ): -hopeless-

okay, different subject-

Birthday is like another 9 weeks away!
Trying my best to get into the birthday mood :{

Im on totally tight budget. Dun feel lyk doing anything for my 18th Birthday! Give up, blame it on myself that i never work & have no spare cash out. -tightspot- hais, christinechristine, just give it up! anyway 18th is not getting any big deal or going big anyway. Im fustrated wad my mum says to me ): totally pissed & turn off. i think i shall give it a skip bahs, yea; i'm changing my mindset no more 18th birthday & i must learn how to reject friends. finally learned a lesson today, keep on satisf-ing friends are really not happy ending.

psps: friends if i really this few days pissed you off, simply dun agree on what you say or just trying to avoid you from going out. i know if im like this mayb many peeps will dun like me, start to feel that im changing or wadsoever butbut pls forgive me; this is reallly not i wannn. but think bahs... bad ending in the end): im really sorry, Sorry alotalots!

I feel like doing alots of things with friends. but nahs! give it a fucking skip! Christine for this 18yrs of living shld die sooner; no point of living, disgrace mum make her disappointed n let her feel that her daughter is really HOPELESS & shld kill me when i was born/even dump me away/let people adopt cos im not worth to live. I haven't caught a movie in so long (a week/months?), I'm so used to catching movies that caught my eyes. And I miss going out lyk last time, just simply spent money without thinking eh!

I feel like going for a swim, even though it leaves my skin and hair dry with this stinky chlorine smell. I love the way I feel so light in the water and how you can lift people up with one hand. Hehe, it's a feeling you can't get elsewhere. It feels sooo good when I don't have things to think about. Usually I ALWAYS have things that bother me, and I will think, and THINK alot, so basically I feel frustrated the whole damn day and won't be able to sleep until like 4am - even if I'm tired.

This whole month i've been feeling pretty DOWN, forcing myself to laugh infront of ppl which i dun feel good when im home or alone on bed. & I have much problems sleeping! im watching drama to fill my mind dun let my mind go wild/lonely.

I have a feeling the next few days are gonna be fucking bad; everyone will starts to gossip about me & mayb even hate me? -idk-

I can't wait for my death to come, I have reason for saying this :}

Exams are coming real soon, and I think that makes me depressed now & then..

Holy shit? This year really not my luck. So many things have happened, I feel like these past 8 months have just been a downs for me.

All I need now, is determination/peace/understanding/cry hard out! =/

shoppingshoppingshopping

I feel so sian I think I feel like I could melt away right now. I am sian square. It's like going to midnight, and I don't feel like doing anything - except maybe jumping down from the window beside me. I don't feel like talking to anyone currently,

fotos will do the talking ; Orchard outing with Gangy-ie!

Far East Plaza to Heeren ^^ Enjoys

Nights peeps! (:

13Julyo9

Bugis with Babes & Hunks (天天火锅)

-Emilia, Huiling, Sky, Yingjie & Dehua ^^

C's : i love my gangy & co. ((:

Foots-Steps

F.r.i.e.n.d.s

different specific behavior ;

I've learnt about them.

From my own experiences..

1) Many friends walk in and out of your life.. but only a few leave footprints behind..

2) Friends are people you hang out with

3) A good friend is someone who is there for you when you need him/her

4) A best friend is someone whose presence makes you happy, someone who understands you well, someone you have a special connection with, someone who won't judge you and someone who would go through thick and thin with you

5) Just because you get along well with some people, doesn't mean they make good friends for you

6) Friends are people who will talk shit about you, good friends are people who will stick up for you when someone else talks shit about you

7) You can't be friends with someone who will be jealous when you do better than him/her

8) You always think someone is your best friend, until that best friend of yours turns around and stabs you in the back

9) Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind

10) If you can't truly be yourself around some friends, you're better off without them

11) You choose friends based on how they make you feel rather than how you feel about them

12) A good friend wouldn't pressure you to do something you don't want to, or try to take advantage of you

13) A promise is something that you are committed to and you don't break what you say your committed to.

14) Abandon your friends or something behind for others to look after, especially somebody or something meant to be a personal responsibility.

15) friends are peeps and buddies you can trust and take positives advice instead of negative


C's: I wanna many fucking HuckleBerry friends then friends who only wants

BENEFITS! -fuckoff!-

Best friends are hard to find,

....and even harder to keep.

Christine// is back.. Link ME!

Give me a LIMBO ROCK DANCE BABY!

I finally finished everything. SAVE N POST!

I was like editing everything for soooo long. Wadever! I did not found a skin & decided to use back my old skin. I freakin' in LOVE wif HelloKitty.. So I'll use this till Im sick & tired.

Aren't you excited? :D I was like almost 1 year did not update any freakin' news, I'm too goddamned lazy. But I was very dilligent in getting this blog up again.I usually say say say but don't get around to do anything, but this time I actually got it done && also i must thanks EmiliaPhua although she did nothin' butbut she encourage me to quickly get back to blog (: Ohh yea, you guys might be thinkin' who the hell is she?! You'll know more about her if you keep popin' by here

I'm good. xD 1 whole day trying to get my pigs-ture upload done n uses my brain cells spent over 35 hours trying to get everything right. Fuck, I didn't even spend that much time on writing on my BEV article! Okay, now that I've done everything, I don't feel like blogging.Hahaha. -dies- I drive myself fucking crazy. I don't know what to blog about, my brain's cells are totally dead.

So yeah, I'll just talk about ramdom-ness thing & pardon me if I'm boring

Today is my Eldest Aunt 1st day of her Wake, she have passed away on 17Julyo9 @1145pm. I miss her alot. She passed away not in a peaceful way. but if you wanna know more, you'll really thinks thats not true at all. Anyway, RIP auntie. 我爱你!

Online the whole morning ever since after breakfast, parents are at the Wake, younger cousins came to my hse due to have tuition so do my bro. I was.. half-sleeping. :D & watching my korea drama show "王看见二公主" That was pretty worth to watch enjoy it; every moment & every single scene

Ooooh, I can't recall much of my week. Yeah, I have short term memory. Lastest outing wif clique was at Bugis 天天火锅. OH, made new friends in Simei Ite & found my beloved Cliques!! Ohhh well, I REALLY LOVE THEM! Guess what? You really would not know that i have fucking great cliques like them (:

I feel so sian I think I feel like I could melt away right now. I am sian square. It's already early in the morning, and I feel like sleeping. Something make me feel tired & hopeless again.(I'd feel like im being foolish again so hmmmm.) I don't feel like thinking or hoping about it currently, my boyfriend went to SERVICE 2yr in ARMY! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I know he's already finished his confinement, yeah yeah, but he still need to service for 2yrs, but I can't blame me for getting upset over it. I've already been feeling REALLY moody recently. He's going to be so busy with all of his "yes sir, no sir" stuff & still under his shithead mum, I'm not sure where will this relationship leads me to? 18Julyo9 is the first time which my boyf is finally online but appearin in a different way. -offline- He was telling me on MSN how terrible is his camp life n more. Boyf wanted to meet me today, but im not free due to my auntie wake. But in my heart also telling me not to take the risk. BUGGER! :( I was looking forward for his call or sms, but the feeling seems different when we are on msn. Did webcam-ing, he cried. my heart aches but i dunno is pity him or i really still love him): keep thinking back the memories n sorrow we have. I really cant stand of his shithead mum doing dumbasses thingS! Urgh. Enough of that. I'm sick and tired of talking about how unhappy I am, because I've been doing alot of that these few days.

More light-hearted stuff! :}

I got a haircut recently, at Kimage School of Training, and I love it trucks lots. Not much difference from my previous hairstyle, except for the new "color" on my head hair now. I think my memory's getting from bad to worse! I can't like remember stuff I did this week.

Ok, I'm starting to bore myself already. Last week, Was out to town watch movie "Transformer", with gang'in & youngerbro. -popcorn 5/5- watch 2times! I LOVE BUBBLEBEE~!! Eating, shopping, crapping, learn new stuff with "fuckspider,cat", watch cat fight with pig, salena & emilia gained knowledge everymoment everyday, ktv etc..

Birthday is coming real soon!! AHHHHHH what should I wear what should I do where should I go?! I'm kinda disappointed that my family cant celebrate my 18th B'day this year, not even dare to think much cus some friends are just simply Jackass! Bahs ): Celebrating 18b'day is NO fun at all expecially w/out parents n friends. Pfffft. So what if you are my friend before, will you bombarded my party with surprises? Ibetnot! Materialistic much! I suddenly feel like I have soSO much to blog about, but I don't think I'm in a right state of mind to blog already, my tiredness n sorrowness is making me sound like a drunk & fuck person. I think I'll go sleep before I start making no sense and bore the hell out of you, or have I already did?

P.S time is 0217am, im really need my beauty sleep (:

Goodnight! <3